I will be satisfied with 35 children – Benue man who married three women on same day
Twenty-six-year-old Benue man, Tersugh Aondona, who married three women on January 31, 2024, tells ABDULLATEEF FOWEWE the number of children he plans to have and how his father motivated him to have many wives
What motivated you to marry three wives on the same day?
I am Tersugh Aondona, a 26-year-old farmer from Jato-Aka, Kwande Local Government Area of Benue State. My main focus is rice, yam, and cassava cultivation. I am the man who married three wives on January 31, 2024. It has always been in my plan to have multiple wives, stemming from my desire for many children and the need for help on my expansive farm. Before marrying them, I explained to each of the women that I needed their assistance on my farm, which is too large for me to manage alone.
What made you decide to marry three wives on the same day?
I chose to marry them on the same day because I noticed that it was challenging to marry another woman after being married to one already. It often leads to conflicts. My brother has been facing the issue of not being able to marry another woman after marrying his wife, who always opposes the idea. I noticed that if I married them one after the other, there would be conflicts among them, which might result in enmity, and there wouldn’t be peace at home and they would hardly have cordial relationships. Therefore, I decided to marry the three of them at once to maintain peace and they agreed to have the wedding on the same day.
However, if I notice that they want to misbehave, I will remind them of the promise they made when we met, and I will ask them why they agreed to be in such a relationship from the beginning if they knew they couldn’t maintain the peace.
What were your pastor’s reactions when you told him about your plan to marry three women on the same day?
Although I had told my pastor before that I wanted to marry three wives, when I informed him about my plan to wed them on the same day, he initially thought I was joking. However, when I explained that I had found the three women and intended to marry them all on the same day, he was surprised. However, he said it was important for me to have the ability to handle and care for them, and he suggested that I should be more prayerful. He even prayed for the success of the marriage before I left his home that day. He eventually agreed with my decision and gave me full support.
Can you share your annual earnings from the farm produce?
I prefer not to disclose specific figures, but if my rice harvest doesn’t go successfully, I make a profit of N2m. However, if it does well, I can make over N5m from rice alone; meanwhile, I still have cassava and yam farms, but let me not talk about those.
How do you manage to meet your family’s needs in this challenging economy?
We don’t buy food at home; we produce everything we eat ourselves.
Are you planning to marry more wives?
Yes, I had planned to marry three more wives to make a total of six, but the three wives at home invited me to a meeting and pleaded with me not to marry another wife. They assured me that they would do whatever I needed them to do, and we came to an agreement and I aborted the plan. They have been very helpful on the farm, and they are following my instructions without question. Because of this, I have no desire to marry another wife.
What is your goal in terms of the number of children you want to have?
I don’t plan on having many children. If I have 35 children, I will be satisfied. I want to have children in various professions, including lawyers, doctors, pastors, soldiers, police officers, farmers, and more. That’s the kind of family I aim to build.
Considering the current situation in the country, do you believe Nigeria is capable of producing its food?
I am confident that Nigerian farmers are capable of producing enough food for the country. Despite the challenges, more people are working hard to support themselves, indicating the potential for increased food production. In the meantime, farming is interwoven with everything else, as even rich people are now returning to farming.
How did you meet each of your wives, and what qualities attracted you to them individually?
My first wife, who is 21 years old and hails from Taraba State, crossed paths with me in Edo State, while we were both selling our farm produce. We began the relationship, and I eventually proposed marriage to her since we both have agricultural backgrounds. I explained my desire to have three wives simultaneously and the reason behind it, and she agreed with me. My second wife, also 21, from Benue State, was introduced to me by my sister. I was delighted by the positive things my sister said about her; I approached her and she reciprocated my feelings. I disclosed my intention to have multiple wives, to which she responded that as long as I loved her, she was satisfied with it.
When I visited my friend in the Gboko Local Government Area of Benue State, I met a 23-year-old woman. I expressed my interest in her and she agreed to be with me despite my passion to marry three wives.
What criteria did you use to select your wives’ positions?
To determine the position of each wife, I gathered all three women together and asked them to choose a man who would take them home with a motorcycle; I informed them that the first person to reach my house would be the first wife, and the second person to arrive would be the second wife. We all agreed upon this criterion for positioning.
Did your wives have prior knowledge of each other before getting married to you?
No, they did not have any knowledge of each other. They knew each other during a formal introduction that I arranged before the wedding day.
How did your family react to your decision to marry three wives simultaneously?
My family embraced the idea and provided me with full support. My father, who is also an inspiration to me, has four wives and we have a large family; he (my father) has 24 children in various professions. Among us is a lawyer, a policeman, a farmer, an officer of the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps, and a soldier. That is what I am trying to build as well, but I aspire to have more children than my father while maintaining a strong family unit.
What have been the main challenges you’ve encountered in maintaining harmony and balance in your marital relationships?
There is none at all. I haven’t faced any challenges; rather, I am enjoying my life, and everything is going smoothly. Even if you were to visit my house, you wouldn’t believe that they are not triplets because of the way they get along.
How do you manage disagreements or conflicts among your wives?
There haven’t been any conflicts, and I don’t think there can be any because everyone understands each other and they don’t overstep their bounds. Additionally, there is nothing for them to fight about because I have provided everything for them, and I have warned them that I do not want any conflicts among them, otherwise, I would marry another wife. There are equal rights and status among them, and there is nothing that can cause problems.
How do you manage the financial responsibilities of supporting three wives?
I am aware of their needs and always make provisions for them before they ask. For example, my third wife loves rice so much that she doesn’t feel satisfied if she doesn’t eat rice even though she has eaten every other food. If they need money, I provide it if it’s available. They all understand that I give them whatever I have, and they accept it happily.
How do you view your roles and responsibilities as a husband to three wives?
We all live together in my house, but each of them has their room. I spent one week with each of them, and after the cycle, I won’t rest; I will start again with my first wife.
Have there been any unexpected benefits or joys from having multiple wives?
As I mentioned earlier, my farm work has become easier since I married them. It’s always nice for a farmer to return from the farm and have a good time with his wives. So, I can say everything has been smooth for me since I married them. However, the first and second wives already have children, while the third one has not given birth yet, but is currently pregnant.
Did you impregnate any of your wives before getting married to them?
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No, it has been a while since we completed the proper introduction, and their parents have officially handed them over to me. We just decided to hold the wedding in January.
How do you ensure that each of your wives feels valued and appreciated?
I make a conscious effort to spend quality one-on-one time with each of them and engage in farm activities where they demonstrate a genuine interest and enjoyment. Furthermore, despite our collaborative work, I consistently express my appreciation for their contributions to the family and our relationship.
How do you manage parenting responsibilities with multiple wives?
God has always made it easy for me. However, open and honest communication plays a vital role. I am always available to them to discuss their needs and concerns. Additionally, I strive to treat them all equally.
What advice would you give to others considering entering into polygamous marriages?
Prayer is essential in whatever endeavour you want to pursue. If you are considering such a task, you must be more prayerful to avoid marrying enemies. Also, it is advisable not to consider marrying divorcees, because they will add to your problem. Another guideline is to always be honest about your situation; if you have money, let them know, and if you don’t have, be transparent about it. Up till this moment, my pastor is still assisting me with prayers.
Looking ahead, what are your hopes and aspirations for your family and relationships?
I hope to have 35 children so that I can fulfil my wish of having all professions represented in my family. For instance, I envision my first child becoming a pastor and the second becoming a doctor. I aim to give my children their chosen professions as my other wives give birth. Additionally, I aspire for my wives and me to become seasoned agriculturalists, and produce food for the nation.
Polygamous relationships most fulfilling for women – First wife
First wife, Blessing Aondona, talks to ABDULLATEEF FOWEWE about why she shunned many wealthy suitors for her husband
What informed your decision to marry your husband on the same day as the other women?
I’m Blessing Aondona, I am 21 years old, and I hail from Taraba State. I am the first wife of Tersugh Aondona. I agreed to marry him out of love and admiration for his character. Despite having other admirers who were wealthier than him, I chose him because I believed that marrying a wealthy man might lead to abandonment later, as such men tend to enjoy their lives outside and neglect their wives at home.
How did you react upon learning that your husband was marrying two other women on the same day?
I felt a sense of excitement because I realised that with three wives, he would not have the time or inclination to cheat on us. I envisioned us building a united family together, where there would always be someone to talk to and no dull moments. When he mentioned his large farms, I was delighted at the thought of being the sole manager of the farms, knowing how demanding farm work could be. It was a joyous moment for me, and since our marriage, everything has been harmonious with no issues, and we all share a close bond.
Moreover, our home is a happy one, as we are self-sufficient in food production, and we always have every kind of food available on our farms. The transformation is obvious; within the short period of my marriage, I have even gained some weight.
Did you have the opportunity to meet or get to know the other women before the wedding?
Yes, we were introduced to each other by our husband before the wedding day.
How did you feel when you first met your fellow wives?
We were all filled with joy at the opportunity to finally meet and get to know each other, as we had been eager to know each other before that day. The day felt like a festival, and we had a wonderful time together.
What were your family’s reactions to your decision to enter into a polygamous marriage?
When I informed my family, they asked if I was content with my choice, to which I replied in the affirmative. They respected my decision and expressed their support. When I invited my husband and his family for a formal introduction, my family welcomed them warmly and promised their full support. The joy of my parents and the presence of friends and relatives made our wedding a memorable event, even attracting media attention.
How do you cultivate unity and solidarity among the wives?
We engage in activities that foster togetherness, such as sharing meals, participating in outings or celebrations, providing mutual encouragement, celebrating each others’ achievements, and collaborating on various responsibilities. These efforts help maintain and strengthen our unity.
What challenges have you encountered in adjusting to married life in a polygamous relationship?
There is none at all. We are all living happily, engaging in activities together, and sharing our thoughts and concerns. Since we don’t have friends to discuss with, we rely on each other for support and companionship. Additionally, our husband’s family members are also supporting us and they love us as if we were their children. I would say that a polygamous relationship is the most fulfilling for women, as it provides a deep understanding of oneself.
Can you describe any moments of joy or fulfilment you’ve experienced in your polygamous marriage?
I find joy in every moment spent with my fellow wives and our husband, but the day of our marriage holds a special place in my heart. It felt as if God lifted me, making it the happiest day of my life. Furthermore, I find more happiness in my husband’s house than I did in my parents’ house.
How do you handle feelings of jealousy or insecurity that may arise within the relationship?
We do not experience jealousy among ourselves; instead, we see each other as part of a trio. Our husband is diligent in his responsibilities and communicates openly about anything that can potentially cause jealousy.
What support systems do you rely on to navigate the complexities of your marriage?
We believe that conflicts are unlikely to arise in our relationship, but if they do, I will rely on my faith in God for guidance and resolution.
How do you handle any concerns or conflicts that may arise among the wives or with your husband?
We have not experienced conflicts among us as we all understand our boundaries and expectations. We are mindful not to engage in behaviours that can lead to conflict, as it is something our husband will not approve of. This approach helps us prevent misunderstandings and conflicts from arising in the first place.
Have you faced any societal stigma or discrimination due to your polygamous marriage?
No, I have not experienced any such stigma or discrimination. We are well-loved by everyone around us.
What advice would you offer to individuals considering entering into polygamous marriages?
Ladies should embrace any man they believe will provide them with the happiness they deserve, even if he has multiple wives as long as they find joy and fulfilment in the relationship. I always advise my sister to seek a man who will bring her happiness and to conduct herself responsibly and respectfully toward others.
Looking ahead, what are your hopes and aspirations for your relationship with your husband and the other wives?
I envision us becoming a large, close-knit family. I hope to see our children as professionals, such as doctors, lawyers, police officers, and soldiers.
